Friday, December 31, 2010

FROM 2010 TO 2011

With today being the last day of 2010, my blog hit 20 thousand.

Thank you to all for visiting my blog and reading and sharing my journey with Jonathan and family and my creations.

There has been ups and downs.  But today, as I was reading the bible.  The Lord showed me that all things happen for a reason.  Be it good circumstances or trials.

No I will not make any resolution.

Yes I will continue to seek the Lord more and seek His favor and grace, strength and wisdom, to help Jonathan and my work.

It's been an eventful year.  We may have to carry forward some things but we shall not let any setbacks draw us down.

And with the new year, my nephew has helped me set up a website for the tshirt business.  it's still new so not many items added.  But still, I'm thankful to him for his great help!!

Check out the new Speiro Prints & Design website.

 Happy New Year to all my family and friends, and visitors of my blog.

God bless!!!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


We printed a shirt for Harith.  I found this artsy violin vector online (although if you look closely there's only 3 strings instead of 4.  haha)

Jonathan chose the color of the shirt and decided on yellow for the violin after I presented him with different colors.

I wanted to have silver violin but Jonathan said no.

Tied it up with ribbon and when Harith came home, Jonathan presented it to him. While Harith was untying the ribbon, the excitement showed on Jonathan's face.  I've never seen him so excited before when giving his daddy something.

He's matured and I loved that.

And daddy loves the shirt :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Harith loves to surprise Jonathan with little things and one of them is at Christmas.  He always feels that Jonathan would love to see the lights on the Christmas tree and since last year, he started DIY-ing his own Christmas tree.

The tree Harith made in 2008 is HERE.  this year, Harith came up with something nicer.

Jonathan was all smiles after seeing the tree light up.  And that made Harith's day.

I told Harith he has to up his standards next year.  haha

Only material used besides clear sticky tapes are just plastic boards.  I love it too!

Thanks Harith!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


and I will be until this Thursday.

Last minute orders from friends I know who wanted to print something for somebody.  And on top of that, I had to prepare for our family.

But I'm almost there.  Just when I thot I didn't have enough time to finish my tag cards this year, these are what I managed to mail out yesterday, hoping they will reach my family and friends before Christmas.

just grunge up the ribbon to make it look 3-D

I made a mess just doing these tag cards.  And because I was so busy, all of the presents were either unwrapped or put in envelopes which I later decorated (just a little) LOL!

Some nieces and nephews got personalised printed iPhone pouches from us.

And mine and Harith's brothers and sisters received 2 personalized printed wooden coasters.  My family has already gotten them.

Designed this shirt for my nephew whom I have not seen for a long time.  He loves motorbikes.  Hope he likes it.

My nephew Caleb and his friend Rob came over from Tennessee for a Singapore holiday and The Tan family had an early Christmas party.

Delicious food were served (Pig's Trotters)


Prawn Fritters and chicken rice chicken (bottom right):

and of course Olive's potato cutlet (love this!) and lots more food!

It was my turn to give out presents that the children were waiting for patiently
This is the tshirt I designed for Rob as a gift on behalf of the Tan family and he loved it.  Later I added his chinese name at the front.

So much for the Tan Family celebrations.  Come 25th we will have Harith's family and I have yet to finish their gifts!

But I also want to thank Make A Wish Singapore for giving Jonathan a special Don Moen CD that he loved.  One of the volunteers dropped by to give it to him and he was very excited.

On the other note, received a letter from Jonathan's school principal to say he's not eligible for Home Management Program, which is more for others with deteriorating conditions.  So we have decided to take him out of SCAS.  My one concern was informing the Ministry of Education (MOE) but I found out from the social worker that at age 13, it is not necessary to inform MOE.  So I'm at peace now :)

Thanks for visiting and here's wishing all my friends and blog readers a JOYOUS CHRISTMAS from us, the HO FAMILY!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Whenever Jonathan wakes up in the morning, the first thing he asks for is to listen to Don Moen's worship songs.  Sometimes he will sing along with them, other times, he just lies down and listens or get really excited.

He will ask for repeats for just the first 3 tracks.

But his all time favourite (so far), is this song:

I'm so happy that he's learned to worship the Lord at a very young age.

This morning, he was coughing a little and nose was a little stuffy.  I asked him if he prayed for his healing and he said 'no'.  I encouraged him and shared that he could pray for his healing and he said "ok".

Tonight, while we were getting ready for bed, I started praying and he too began to speak.  He told me he wanted to pray.  He made a few vowels sounds and after a short sentence, he stopped.  That's when he said he'd finished praying.

Thank you Lord for our boy knows how to worship even though he still can't speak words yet.

Thank you :)

Thursday, December 09, 2010


Feeling sick :  My whole body ached suddenly 2 nights ago.  I felt feverish.  I thought it was because I had too much peanuts that the uric acid started working up my bones because that has happened before.  But I only had pistachio so that doesn't count does it?

Turned out I was coming down with a big flu.  But thank God the panadol popping sort of reduced the aches and pains and fever came down.  But then I started having gastric pains.  Man!!

So while googling for good quotations for a new tshirt I'm designing, I came across this:

If ever you may have a big problem, don't say, 'God I have a big problem!',
but instead; 'Hey Problem, I have a big God and everything will be
okay! by Jinky

Whoever this Jinky was, I'm just glad I found this quote.  Cos it boosted my day even though I was feeling lousy and occasionally I will say "HEY FLU BUG!! I have a BIG GOD and everything will be okay!!!"

Harith prayed for me and we went to sleep pretty early.  Well ... do you consider 2am early?  haha.  I just wanted to stay up so that I could take another dose of medication.

Thank God this morning I felt much better.  Thank you Lord!  but the gastric pain is still here.  Harith made me a cup of warm milo and it helped.  Hopefully by tomorrow morning I'll be back to my good health, although i do feel so much better now.

Starting on my Christmas cards.  Big Round Tags actually.  This year I decided that I will mail out Christmas tags (size of round coasters) to family and close friends.  Almost finished pasting the pattern papers on the chipboard coasters that I bought from a local art store.  Cheaper than the round chipboard Maya Road, although thinner.  But it doesn't matter so long as they serve the purpose.

Will post some pictures later when I'm done with them.


Had a wonderful lunch on Sunday (5th Dec) with Rosie and Nancy Tan, both of whom were my mentors when I was working at Singapore Airlines.

Don't we three look like sisters?  Well ... Rosie and Nancy ARE sisters. haha.

I joined the company when I was 18.  Got to know Nancy first and called her MUMZ cos she always said I could be her daughter :)  Then after I went to work in the same department with Auntie Rosie when a secretary post was vacant there.

I left the company more than 10 years ago and we have kept in touch ... mostly through annual Christmas cards we send each other ..haha.

I always enjoy chatting with them.  They are the most unpretentious and down-to-earth ladies I've ever known and I thoroughly enjoy their company :)

As usual, whenever we meet, they treated me to good food.

I was very happy to print these bags for them.

I put a packet of Marks & Spencer's cookies for them.  Hope they like the cookies as much as I do LOL!

They gave me something very unique.  A gift that only SIA staff can get and I truly love it.

A little thumb drive in a form of an SIA airplane.  Something that I will cherish.

Thanks for a great time catching up Auntie Rosie and Nanz!  We'll meet again soon!!

Monday, November 22, 2010


Harith's nephew, Roy, was posted to work in another country for a couple of years.  My first thought for a gift is, of course, the shirt.  haha.

I changed my mind and decided to give him a pair of pillow cases cause they will come in useful.

I had in mind that I should put all the names of his family and close cousins in a bubble.  Roy calls it "thinking of all of you" pillow cases and he likes this best.  And I like the caption very much.  I just wish he had put his head there for me to take a picture. LOL.  Here's a close up:

One pillow case is not enough.  So here comes another :

Close up:

Another design done ... another person happy :)

Saturday, November 20, 2010


I had a funny conversation with Jonathan this evening.  Of course it's always me asking questions and he answering with yes or no, or a choice of 2 words.

He just woke up from his nap and we were lying on his bed lazing.

Me:  "Jon, do you want to go out later?"
Jon:  "Yes".
Me:  "Where do you want to go?  Simei, Tampines Central, White Sands, CompassPoint?"
Jon:  "No".
Me:  "If you don't want to go to these places, then do you still want to go out?"
Jon:  "Yes".
Me:  "Do you want to take a taxi to go somewhere?"
Jon:  "Yes".
Me:  "So that means we have to go somewhere.  How about just downstairs, Tampines Mart?"
Jon:  "No"
Me:  "huh?  But you want to go out right?"
Jon:  "yes"
Me:  "Is it go out nearby or far away?"
Jon:  He chose "nearby".

At this time, I was a little puzzled.  I said "you want to go out, yet you don't want to go anywhere."

Suddenly .... ding ding!!!

Me:  "You mean you want mommy to bring you out of the bedroom to the hall?"
Jon:  "Yes".

I burst out laughing non-stop and he was grinning at me.  hahaha.

Harith said I better pray for wisdom for myself because our son is getting smarter than I am!  haahaha.

I was obviously not on the same wavelength as he was.

And who says that mommy is correct?   LOL!

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I've been busy with tshirt orders.   I love doing them.  It's the last minute datelines changes that bogs me and I feel overwhelmed.

Then...I read this from the DAYSPRING ONLINE STORE newsletter I receive this week.

When you feel overwhelmed

Demands knock on my door.
Burdens beckon me to answer.
The to-do list stretches for miles.
I whisper, "I feel overwhelmed."
And in the stillness it seems I hear...
"Child, open your heart to Me
instead of the demands of the day.
Lay those burdens at My feet, not on your shoulders.
Let go of your list and dare to embrace My grace.
I do not require you to be overwhelmed.
I enable you to overcome.
And with Me, you always will."
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
--by Holley Gerth

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I've been busy.  Orders came in and I've been working on my transfers and at the same time, the roller pushers on the Craft Robo had to be changed because the rubber had loosened.

Thank God it was easy to change.

Did some new designs which I liked very much.  I did 2 different butterflies with 2 girls' names for my sister.
Printed them on cloth drawstring bags that I got from Daiso at $2 each.

A friend's daughter had her wedding last month and I did a simple LO for her.  A Quick-One-Hour-LO, that's what I call it.  LOL!  Was rushing it off so that I could give them as a gift 2 days before their wedding.

 The photo was from their wedding invitation card.  I used alpha beads to spell out the month and year they were married.  Didn't have numbers tho ...

Used my Pazzles Inspiration Cutting Machine to cut out their names.  Turned out good.

I can't remember what brand I used for the pattern paper but the cardstocks I used were Bazzill.

Monday, October 25, 2010


How does one celebrate birthdays?

As you grow older, celebrations with friends and family take a back seat.  What's important is that you have your own closest family with you.  In my case, Harith and Jonathan.

19 October, I received wishes, blessings and greetings from loved ones, family members and friends.  Thank you all for remembering.

I turned 44.

On that day, besides needing to go town to collect my printing materials, we decided to bring Jonathan to town.

This is what I had to pick up:  Flex and printed order for Jonathan's school Scouts Camp

To make these flags:

The weather was cool, albeit slight drizzle that changed to rain, we were able to accomplish my errand and took a walk at City Hall basement shopping/food area because Jonathan liked it there.

After we picked up my stuff, we went to the Royal Hotel Queens for where we know we will probably be the only ones there having their really simple and cheap buffet lunch.  The food wasn't that great, although they had bitter guord cooked with tofu (which is one of my favourites).  But the place was good for us.  No staring eyes on Jonathan, just us, peaceful and quiet, taking our time to savour the simple meal.

See...we had the whole restaurant to ourselves :)

After our meal, we walked across to the National Library to give Jonathan his lunch then proceeded to City Hall.

Since we were there, I spent some time at Paper Market (local scrapbook store).  Wanted to get some Christmas papers anyway and bought these:

I got 25% off for buying 20 sheets of Christmas pattern papers (any brands)

Got 30% off for any 2 Christmas accents or die cuts or other elements.

I'm happy with my purchases.  Not starting to make cards yet.  Been busy.

Then 2 days ago, I decided that I was going to treat myself by printing a shirt for me!  LOL!
Actually, I also wanted to try the new orange flex on a dark shirt.

So my birthday came and went and everything was back to routine.  But I'm glad we could bring Jonathan to town without him fall sick.  Thank you Jesus :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010


Tonight, at 11pm, Jonathan bled at the mouth after I brushed his teeth.

I thought he had bitten his lip again.  But the blood continued to flow.

So armed with a small torch light, I proceeded to check his mouth and found that his tooth was loose (the same one that I mentioned HERE).  It was shaky to the touch and his gum was sore and reddish.

Jonathan kept pushing it with his tongue.  I asked if he wanted it out and he said yes.

So i proceeded to pull the tooth out.  While doing that, my hand was trembling. I have no guts when it comes to this.  His two front tooth were removed by the school nurse and I was so afraid to hurt him.

With him sitting on Harith's lap was also another concern for me because he is not secure.

The tooth was stuck.  I couldn't and didn't want to yank it out fearing pain.  So I stopped and asked Jonathan if he was hurting.  He said no and still wanted the tooth out.

So after a quick prayer, I pushed it outwards and the tooth came off together with free flow of blood.  I took gauze and ran to the kitchen for an ice cube.

Seconds later, the blood stopped flowing and minutes later, he told me it doesn't hurt.

I'm glad the tooth came out before he went to sleep.  I was eying the same tooth a couple of days ago wondering when it was gonna come out.

Well, at least it's not bothering him anymore.

Thank God Jonathan has high threshold of pain.  He was braver than me ... that's for sure! haha

Sunday, October 17, 2010


The only time I could say goodbye to PG was at her funeral wake on Wednesday night.

I'm glad I went.

While on the way there, I told the Lord that if there was a time when friends are asked to share about PG, I would go up and give my eulogy.

And I did.  I wanted her family and friends to know how much she has helped me.  I thank God that I could share my thoughts.

While there, I found out something that happened many years ago ... something that I didn't know about until now.  About what PG felt when she gave me a gift for Jonathan before he was born and it had something to do with guilt. If I had known this I would tell PG : "It is NOT your fault."

While there, Jo reminded about the time I joined the bank's karaoke singing contest and after winning, PG said she wanted me to sing at her funeral.  I remembered that conversation.  I forgot about it after all these years.

While there, I was glad that Jo encouraged me to sing for PG.  When Jo and I stood side by side, at the head of PG's casket, and I sang "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU", the song I had sung for the contest and won.  If I hadn't done it, like I initially was hesitant to do, I would have regretted it.  Thank you Jo.

While there, I was told that PG mentioned about me to her niece quite a few times.  I wish I could know what her thoughts were.  Not to feed my self-esteem.  But would like to know how she felt.

While there, I wish I had more courage to make calls to PG instead of just sending her Christmas cards each year before she passed on.  And when her name popped up 2 weeks ago while I was preparing Jonathan's food, it totally slipped my mind.  So many chances and yet I missed them all :(

But most of all ...

While there, I found out what a remarkable and religious person she had become.  Touching peoples' lives and working at the church.

Then I realised, I have no regrets knowing who PG was and is and was.

I shared that she celebrated life.  Yes she did.  Even before she went Home, she was still her bubbly self.

She didn't want wreaths .. she didn't want donations.  She didn't want to burden everybody.

That's how she was and will always remain that true person in everyone's hearts, including mine.

I wanted to attend her memorial services this evening.  I even was ready to sing a song there.

On Thursday night, I was tuning into Youtube for Jonathan and was thinking about what I could give if I attended PG's memorial service and this song came on - WHAT A FRIEND WE HAVE IN JESUS.

Then I wrote part of these words in tribute to PG:

What a friend I have in PG
There's none like her any where
What a privilege to know her
She's some one who really cares

This was only the first verse.  I didn't finish the song.  I couldn't go for the memorial service because of urgent matters.

But ...

Thank you PG .. for teaching me self endurance, to look at life in a different perspective.  That there's always a rainbow at the end of every clouded sky.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I got to know PG (as she is affectionately known) 13 years ago when she joined the bank I was working in.  We became friends because our bosses worked closely together.

When Jonathan was born, she was there to help me for the first year.  She helped me with hospital bills and also bought an apnea machine for Jonathan because of his breathing problems.  I still have the tiny machine at home.

After I left the bank to become a full time caregiver, she went on to work and a few years later also left the bank.

We didn't keep in touch with each other.  But every year during Christmas, I always make a point to send her my home-made Christmas or Chinese New Year cards, sending my wishes and thanking her for all her help.

We never spoke or met up.  The only one time I called her within these 13 years was a short phone call to ask how she was doing but it was cut short because she had to attend to her grand nieces/nephews that she was caring for.

Yesterday, I got an email from another friend that she passed away 2 days ago.  It came as a shock.

PG was a gusty lady.  A person who was ready to extend a helping hand any time.  I find solace to know that she started attending church and even volunteering her services there.

For over 13 years, she pops up in my mind every now and then.  I never picked up the phone to give her a call but to give a silent thought and prayer.  2 weeks ago, her name came up as I was preparing Jonathan's milk.  I told myself I should call her but regretfully, because I was so busy then, it totally slipped my mind.

People say to me that if anyone suddenly comes to your mind ... you should just call or visit.  But sadly, I missed that chance.

I wish I could have attended a gathering they had a few years back.  But again, I wasn't able to because of Jonathan.

Now ... I will see PG again.  But this will be my final goodbye.

"Thank you, again, PG.  For the help you gave me during the first year of my life as a full-time caregiver.  I will never forget that.  I will remember the lunches we had with each other, of you telling me you love to eat vegetarian bee hoon but yet dislike the fact that they have too much MSG in them.  I remember the time you took my place at the desk so that I could join the company's instant karaoke contest, winning $800.

I remember you ... as a fun loving person who extends your help but yet want to remain as low key as possible.

I will never have the change to send you my Christmas cards again.  But you will always remain in my memory.

And most of all, I thank God for allowing me to get to know you.

Rest in peace PG"

Friday, September 24, 2010


As of 21 September 2010, Jonathan weighed 23kg and 126cm tall.

My appointment with his dietitian at KK, Ms KY (who still remembers my name even tho we haven't seen her for the last 2 years) went well.

I'm glad that after his illness on 17 August, which saw Jonathan's weight dropping to 21kg, that he could put back 2kg with the Isomil Advance EyeQ Plus within a month.

Chatting with Ms KY gave me the assurance that he was on track although through the chart, his ideal weight should be 25kg.  His height is ok.  Growth has to be between 90-100% and Jonathan has achieved 91% under the CP growth.

So for now, she advised to stick to Isomil for 6 months just to give his tummy some rest.   Thankfully, he's been able to consume soy milk without problem.  Moreover, my also a little hesitant to switch him back to the goat milk (thus the reason why I want to sell off the balance of my stock HERE).  Staying on soy milk helps that if he does fall ill again, there's no need to switch powder.

A friend recommended Isocal.  Ms KY said it's actually a mixture of cow and soy milk but processed in such a way that is gluten and lactose free.  But it's 1cal/ml which will be too heavy for Jonathan.  And it's hard to find in local supermarkets.  But we may consider this in future when Jonathan's older and needs more protein.

So for now, the feeding regime is 6.5 scoops of soy milk powder to 240ml water to make it 300ml for the next 3 days.  When he's accustomed to the new amount, we increase it to 7 scoops till he reaches 25kg.

Thank you Lord for protecting Jonathan.  Now, I can safely give him milk feeds even if he doesn't feel well.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


The children's day gifts for my sister is complete.  PTL!!  This is a reload of my earlier POST.

These names (above) were cut with the Pazzles Cutting Machine.  I used glossy colored cardstock bought from a local paper shop.

Names pasted onto the color pencil boxes.

This evening I used all the ribbons that I have and completed all 25 boxes:

I'm happy to finish these :)


I'm selling away 20 cans of my current stock of Karihome Whole Goat Milk Powder (400g tin) as Jonathan is unable to take them at the moment.

Selling price:  $17 (UP $19)
Expiry date:  2012
Cash or bank transfer before collection. Sorry ... no delivery.
Please EMAIL me if anyone wants to buy.  Thanks!

Monday, September 20, 2010


From a tiny box of color pencils

I helped my sister transform it into something simple for her kids in kindergarten:

This is just a sample.  The color of ribbon and name varies.
Dimensions:  98mm(H)x42mm(W)x20mm(D)

The name was cut from cardstock using the Pazzles Cutting Machine.  You can order from me too { and not necessary for Children's Day only :) }.  Just EMAIL me.

Friday, September 17, 2010


Jonathan has been quite good lately.  Perhaps the news of transferring to home management program made him happy and less stress.  He's been sleeping well, except for 2 nights ago when he woke up at 3am after I changed his diaper and didn't go back to sleep till 7.30am!

but ... he's been talking alot, been up to his tricks lately.

He's also been pulling his feeding button (I think I mentioned this before somewhere) more regularly just to get our attention.

But today, he did something that totally surprised me ...

He was at it again and I warned him about the consequences of pulling his button.  Then when I turned to look at him, he immediately pulled down his shirt to cover up the "cap-is-opened" feeding button.  It was really an instant reaction on his part.  haha.  Well...I tried not to grin cos I was supposed to be the angry person.

Lately he's also been helping me "take" things that are within his reach for me.

Two nights ago, he did just that.  I changed him into his PJ's and his shirt was lying somewhere else.  He reached for it on his own.  He turned his body ... moved his butt ... twisted his arm ... got his navigation right and all the while refusing help from me when I asked.  Finally after about 5 minutes, he grabbed the shirt, turned his body and handed it to me.

Thank you sweet darling Jonathan.  You are getting better with your hands.  I think you may be ready for a new assignment soon.  We'll see :)

And ... thank you Jesus :))))

Monday, September 13, 2010


The case conference involved Teacher SK, SW, PT~K, OT~M and ST~L.

It was a good meeting.  I had my thoughts and queries sorted out.

We talked about options and how we can best help Jonathan and finally concluded that HMP (Home Management Program) will be good for now considering his current situation.

Thanks to PT K, I also found out that I don't need to withdraw Jonathan from the school.  I could ask for a transfer to the HMP instead of "quitting" school directly.  That way, if I want to try Jonathan for the school program, it's easier for me to apply for a place.

It was a relief to hear that.  He's still got 5 years before he graduates and of course if I do get a chance, I would like to try again.

We talked about other things and was also given some advice by ST~L that was really good.

I'm grateful to his teachers and therapists who have helped in so many ways.  And I hope that while staying at home, there will come a day when his health will improve.

Jonathan was also invited to join his classmates whenever they have class outing so he will not lose touch with them.  That's really kind of the teachers.  But I have to try and convince him and get him on the buggy first!

Thanks to all my family and friends who prayed for us.  God bless you!

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Yup...I made the decision tonight.  I've decided to take Jonathan out of school and try the home management program.

I spoke to him this evening.  Asked if it was ok if he stopped school and the was "yes".

It was the 2nd hardest decision I had to make.  The first when we had to decide to let him have the feeding button.

Like I wrote to my friends in facebook ... I hope this decision will be a correct one.

I actually wanted to cancel tomorrow's meeting with the teacher.  Ever since I received the letter from the school Principal, my heart has been heavy.  I just felt that the letter (albeit the first paragraph about being of any assistance) could have been sent after the meeting and not before.  I guess the place for another student was top priority.  My initial idea was to sign the form and return it back.  But I still had questions I needed to ask.

I didn't have the peace to take Jonathan out of school.  Neither did I have the peace to bring him back.  I've tried (maybe not hard enough) to bring him back.  But it has been difficult.  So I decided to take the road less stress and I pray that God will give me the peace and strength to start something that's more constructive for Jonathan.

And maybe when he's more ready and I sort out his health issue (that has been bugging me for the last couple of years), I will register him for school again.

I've been tearing because somehow I feel that I've given up something for Jonathan that might benefit him.  But his health outweighs that.

And maybe after tomorrow's meeting I will feel better.  And bringing him out for walks at the beach or mall during school days will no longer be guilt trips :)

In the meantime, he's currently a chair and mat potato with the TV and YouTube.  And his answer to my question:

"Will you still be intelligent and smart even if you don't go to school?"

was "Yes."

Wednesday, September 08, 2010


Received a letter from Jonathan's school principal today to asked if we would like to withdraw him with immediate effect from his school because he has been absent.  They needed the place for other students who are on the waiting list.

This came as a total surprise.  I guess it's got something to do with my consideration of putting him on Home Management Program.  We were going to have a meeting next week.  I guess I will have to call the social worker for clarification..

It brings a lot of guilt ...

I feel guilty that I have deprived Jonathan of school.
I feel guilty that I am not doing enough for him.
I feel guilty that if I do bring him back to school, his vomitting will start again.

My heart feels heavy.  I still want to keep trying to bring him to school.  But if someone else needs a place then my not bringing Jonathan will deprive someone of the opportunity.

Sad that it has to come to this.  Hopefully at the meeting next week we will be able to come up with something suitable for Jonathan.


I talked about this HERE.  And the scissors arrived yesterday (in good and excellent condition, thanks to!)

The sharp blades cut easily and evenly.  Not a heavy scissors so it's easy on the hands.  I tried it on thin foam and even though some didn't slit properly, I could still make this:

Used a thin piece of foam and twirled it around a pencil.

Monday, September 06, 2010


Yesterday morning I decided to "chong ah".  haha.

Well...I woke up in the morning, prayed and decided that I was going to give him 6 scoops of soy milk powder (the same amount as the goat milk) instead of just 4 as per instructed on the tin and also my self imposed 2.5hr feed in between.

He didn't gag.  Continued today and was ok only to be "threaten" by symptoms this evening.  But after letting him sit on his chair for more than an hour and 2 sachets of fluimucil, he was ok.

I'm currently giving him Isomil 1 Advance Eye Q Plus (0-6 months).  They have more nutrients than the Isomil 3 which is for 1-10 yr olds.  So far, his bowel movement is ok.  Doing it between 2-3 days.
This afternoon I faxed a letter to KK Nutrition and Dietetics.  Awaiting their reply.

A friend recommended Isocal, which is new to me.  If in any case Jonathan cannot take goat milk, I'll have to consider that.  She also shared with me about another friend whose children are taking probiotics as supplements.  They hardly fall sick.  Seems probiotics boost the immune system too. Will go check it out at health shops.

Sunday, September 05, 2010


I've been troubled by Jonathan's health.  Even with the soy milk, he sometimes will start gagging in the afternoon.  I guess I'm not feeding him enough to sustain his appetite.  I will have to call the dietitian at KK hospital.

Last night was the same problem.  He had secretion and started coughing and I felt terrible just seeing him gagging all the time.   We decided to take turns letting him sit on our laps so that he will not gag too much compared to lying on the mat and we didn't want to use the chair.  My heart was very heavy with worry and anxiety.  I just didn't want another episode of vomiting again.

So while H went to get dinner, I turned on the TV to distract myself and the travel program "Japan Hour" was on.  Sadly, that made me even more disheartened.  To know that there is such a beautiful place and we will never be able to explore.

Then I heard it...the beautiful background music that came with the scenery.  Softly at first, then gradually became louder.  Trying to remember what this song was, I realised it was "MY PEACE" without vocals.

I don't know if this music was composed by a Japanese but it was an old worship song that encouraged me many years ago.

My heart was lifted.  God spoke to me with that music on a secular channel.

"My peace I give unto's a peace that the world cannot give ..."

Thank you Lord.  But He didn't stop there.

Whenever I put Jonathan down to bed, I will turn on my laptop to watch K dramas.  But last night, I just didn't have the mood and the Lord prompted me to watch a talk by Joyce Meyer.

The topic online was "HEART TEST".  The whole message was that whatever we are going through is a test that we will have learned a good lesson and be victorious towards the end.

The part that struck me was when she quoted Habakkuk 3:17-19 from the bible:
17Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,
    18Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!(E)
    19The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! For the Chief Musician; with my stringed instruments.

She shared in layman's term :  "Though I lose my job and grocery prices are going through the roof, though my son is so hard to control that I feel like I'm gonna go crazy, though I can't get my husband out of the lounge chair and TV or though I can't get my wife to clean the house ... YET I WILL REJOICE!"

It was a great encouragement to me and the best medication before all of us went to bed.

Yes...all the problems we will face and I have to learn that no matter what, I want to learn to rejoice in the Lord and God the Lord is my strength.

I leave the song here for you to be encouraged:  MY PEACE

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


It's happening again.  For 2 straight nights Jonathan just couldn't sleep well.  Even if he does go to sleep, he will wake up and start calling me.  by the time he gets the proper deep sleep it would already 3.30am.

I'm hoping that today, since he didn't take his nap that he will sleep well tonight.

Monday, August 30, 2010


I'm beginning to suspect that Jonathan might be lactose intolerant.

Yesterday, I gave him just one scoop of his Karihome goat milk and he ended up with lots of secretion and retching from afternoon, the whole 10 hours, stopping only at around 2am.

This is the 2nd time it has happened.  The first just last week but I caught that on time.

I'm not sure myself too because 3 hours after that one feed, I gave him the Isomil.  So could it be that I shouldn't mix feedings?

I googled and found this:

What is lactose intolerance?

Lactose intolerance is the inability or insufficient ability to digest lactose, a sugar found in milk and milk products. Lactose intolerance is caused by a deficiency of the enzyme lactase, which is produced by the cells lining the small intestine. Lactase breaks down lactose into two simpler forms of sugar called glucose and galactose, which are then absorbed into the bloodstream.

What causes lactose intolerance?

The cause of lactose intolerance is best explained by describing how a person develops lactase deficiency.
Primary lactase deficiency develops over time and begins after about age 2 when the body begins to produce less lactase. Most children who have lactase deficiency do not experience symptoms of lactose intolerance until late adolescence or adulthood.

Researchers have identified a possible genetic link to primary lactase deficiency. Some people inherit a gene from their parents that makes it likely they will develop primary lactase deficiency. This discovery may be useful in developing future genetic tests to identify people at risk for lactose intolerance.

Secondary lactase deficiency results from injury to the small intestine that occurs with severe diarrheal illness, celiac disease, Crohn’s disease, or chemotherapy. This type of lactase deficiency can occur at any age but is more common in infancy.

What are the symptoms of lactose intolerance?

People with lactose intolerance may feel uncomfortable 30 minutes to 2 hours after consuming milk and milk products. Symptoms range from mild to severe, based on the amount of lactose consumed and the amount a person can tolerate.
Common symptoms include
  • abdominal pain
  • abdominal bloating
  • gas
  • diarrhea
  • nausea

The reason why I suspect is because of the highlighted sentence above.  although Jonathan didn't have alot of diarrhea episodes, he did have quite a few of vomiting incidents.

There are 2 tests.  One is to consume lactose beverage and test with the breathe for hydrogen and the other is to use the stools of the child.  Yesterday I tried to send his stool for testing but was told the lab is closed on Sunday and we cannot keep stools overnight.

Checked with GP and he said stool tests are very expensive.  The other way is through blood test.  But he said to let Jonathan continue with the soy milk for another few months first.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


What does Jonathan do when he wants me to pay attention to him or whenever I leave him alone for a while?

This ....

His first target is the packet of tissues that lies within reach.  He will pull and pull, the fan will blow the tissues all over house and eventually the whole stack will break free from the plastic packaging (seen here under his knee):

And when the tissues are no longer helping him to get any attention from me, he will reach out and pull something else.  Sometimes he can even right into the box of Jonathan's button supplies and start pulling things out. As you can see...he was reaching for the bag of diapers:

So he's finally got my attention.  When I ask why does he pull the tissue, he will grab a few pieces in his right hand and wipe his mouth with them.

My smart...LOL!